To Love Others, Love Yourself First

Connect by Ilchi Lee

Many people ask me how to resolve a problem they have with someone.

“Try to focus first on yourself rather than worrying about your relationship with others,” I advise them. “And love yourself more. Your relationships with others will get better when you truly understand yourself.”

If you look closely and honestly, you’ll see that your relationships with others reflect your relationship with yourself. You can love others only as much as you love yourself, and you can understand and tolerate others only to the extent that you understand and tolerate yourself.

And you’ll see that even when people talk about sharing unconditional love, often they expect something from the other person—affection from others to fill the emptiness inside themselves.

In fact, your level of attachment to others can be measured by the longing you feel: the needier you feel, the greater your attachment to the attentions of others.

If you are well connected with yourself, however, you can achieve balance in your relationships because you have a solid center—even if the other person hurts your feelings. More important than any relationship we have with someone else is the relationship we have with ourselves.

—Taken from my recent book, Connect: How to Find Clarity and Expand Your Consciousness with Pineal Gland Meditation

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