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How to Have a Close Relationship While Standing in Your Own Power

Making yourself energetically powerful can also make you more open, loving, and centered in your true self.

Any relationship—whether it’s for a moment or a lifetime, romantic or platonic—involves an interaction of energy. Even before we speak words, our energy fields communicate with each other, giving us subconscious impressions and information that influence our interactions.

Energy can also be exchanged over long distances, both on purpose and without our realization. The nature of the energy exchanged depends on our own energy state and our thoughts, feelings, and intentions toward the other person.

The closer we are to someone and the more time we spend together, the more intertwined our energy can become. If we’re not aware of it, we may begin to think these entanglements are who we are and what we’re like instead of just energy interactions. Especially if we love being around a particular person, we can become addicted to these entanglements, forgetting who we really are.

But the best, most loving relationships are possible when we’re deeply connected and aware of our true selves and we get the energy we need to thrive and be happy from an independent source rather than another person. In order to have a healthy close relationship with someone else, we need to have a healthy close relationship with ourselves first.

Begin the Process of Developing Body, Heart, and Spirit

I’ve already written about how to love ourselves and be healthy and happy, we need to make what’s called Water Up, Fire Down energy circulation in our bodies. This energy cycle results in a cool head and a fire in our bellies, giving us the wherewithal to act swiftly and decisively with open hearts and minds. But there’s another energy principle we should know if we want to embody our true selves fully and powerfully. It can be expressed most simply in Korean: Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung.

It takes a few more words to describe this important principle of energy in English. Essentially, it’s a process of energy development that goes from building up our physical energy to purifying our emotional energy to brightening our spiritual/mental energy. Through this process, we become strong, grounded, and positive at every level. Having Water Up, Fire Down is part of the process, and creating both energy states involves filling ourselves up with the purest brightest energy from bottom to top.


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[The 3 Main Energy Centers]

First, we fill up the lower energy center (also known as a dahnjon in Korean) in our abdomen between our hips. This center relates to our physical energy. When it’s full, we feel empowered, revitalized, and ready to take on the real world. It’s the foundation of our energy system. If it’s too weak or unbalanced, then we may experience fatigue, emotional instability, and mental confusion—none of which are helpful in a relationship with ourselves, or anyone.

Next, we fill up the middle energy center in our chest; it’s equivalent to our heart chakra. This happens automatically once our lower energy center becomes full. Emotional energy swirls around in this area, as well as the pure energy of our true selves. We say that the energy here matures when the true self energy becomes strong, big, bright, and light. Having such energy in our hearts, we remain resistant to emotional pain from life’s ups and downs. We don’t easily follow the moods of others; instead we can lead the energy in the room to a more positive place. Mature heart energy means we are bursting with love for no reason at all and for no one in particular. We have all the love we need from ourselves and have more than enough to share with others without hardship. From this place, we have more understanding and tolerance of ourselves and other people.

Finally, after our lower and middle energy centers fill with energy, the pure energy in our hearts can rise up into the energy center in the middle of our heads (around the brain stem and pineal gland). We can accumulate energy into this center anytime, but the effects are most stable once the lower energy centers have been strengthened. The energy here becomes bright, and our thoughts become more positive, clear, and hopeful. We’re able to access our intuition, understand the wishes of our true selves, and gain more wisdom from the world around us more easily. With this greater understanding of ourselves and others, we can better navigate our close relationships for the benefit of all.

In this state of Jungchoon, Kijang, Shinmyung, we can present our best selves to others. We can also approach them with more empathy, love, and compassion, allowing us to interact with the best intentions. We’re unlikely to use them to satisfy our egos. Instead, loving them honors our true selves.

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Exercise for Making Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung

Many Brain Education exercises can be used for creating Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung. The key is to do them long enough for you to be completely full of energy. How do you know when that is?

  • Your lower body feels solid.
  • Your heart feels comfortable and open.
  • The world looks bright and positive.
  • You feel energized yet relaxed and calm.

You may not be able to achieve this state completely at once and may even feel the opposite as unhealthy and stuck energy becomes dislodged and cleared from your energy system. With daily practice, your energy condition can improve incrementally until you can achieve Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung and maintain it for longer periods of time. Those who have Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung also have Water Up, Fire Down.

One practice that anyone can do for Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung is Brain Wave Vibration. This dynamic meditation involves shaking and/or tapping your body to your own natural rhythm. It makes energy flow more smoothly through the energy channels of the body while gathering more energy into the channels and the energy centers.

There are many ways to do Brain Wave Vibration—any way of moving and shaking your body, in any posture, can be considered Brain Wave Vibration if your intrinsic rhythm becomes expressed and your brain waves slow down. Try this method for Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung:

  1. Sit with your back straight, either on the floor or in a chair. Make a half lotus posture if possible, otherwise place both feet flat on the ground. If you are in a chair, leave space between your back and the chair.
  2. Shake your hips from side to side and forward and back while keeping the rest of your body relaxed. Leave your mouth slightly open so that as you exhale, old, stagnant energy can leave your body through it. Keep your body as relaxed as you can. Your movements can be small at first, especially if you are tense. Use the vibration to gradually relax your body.
  3. As your body relaxes, you can deliberately shake your entire upper body, especially your spine, from head to tailbone. Pay particular attention to where your spine meets your head. Move your head from side to side and all around to release the tension and hot energy that tends to build up there. The more you relax, the more vigorously you can shake.
  4. Once your body can move freely and comfortably, use the pinky side of your fists to tap your abdomen two inches below your navel. Alternate each hand as you make a steady rhythm. Consciously relax your shoulders as you move your arms. Relax your abdomen as well, and feel the vibrations inside it. Focus your mind on the area in which your lower energy center is located. Shake your head and body as you tap.
  5. Continue this exercise until you feel relaxed, open, and energized. You can spend as little as five minutes or do it for a half hour, a whole hour, or even longer. Respect your body’s condition; don’t try to overdo it. There’s no need to achieve Jungchoong, Kijang, Shinmyung completely in one try.

Brain Education/Body & Brain Yoga instructor Danielle Gaudette explains how to do this exercise in part in the video below:

The deep connection with ourselves created through exercises such as Brain Wave Vibration is essential for approaching our close relationships, and every aspect of our lives, from a place of inner security and self-value. At the same time, this connection gives us more compassion and enables us to forgive more easily than we ever could without it.

Editor’s Note: To learn more about this deep self-connection, you can look into Ilchi Lee’s book, Connect: How to Find Clarity and Expand Your Consciousness with Pineal Gland Meditation.

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